Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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