Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
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When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
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And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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