i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
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mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
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I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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