Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
