hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I touched a dick in church today
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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