I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
