the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
