I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
