that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
