tell your sister to shave her snatch
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
