I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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