Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
