I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
