were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
