I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
