Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
