so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
