I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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