You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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