whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
