ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
