no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
