She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
