I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
