3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
