Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
