I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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