there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
