Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
someone owes me an orgasm
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
