It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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