just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
