Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
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I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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