My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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