you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
