FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
