After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
