I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
