tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
