I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
