He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
