"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
