Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
