"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Randomize
