the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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