I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
