I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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