Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
