1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
