I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
