Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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