Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
