I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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