I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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