overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
