I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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