I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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