so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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