I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
