He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
