I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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