if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
