Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
