I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
