I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
