My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
