He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
