i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
