I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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