Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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